March 31, 2011

I Need 3 Seconds to be Funny

I'm only funny if I get a 3-second head start.

In those 3 seconds, I can think up and quickly weigh a couple of different punchline options in my head. In person, I have no censor, and typically go with my first instinct, which rarely works.

I am a writer.
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March 30, 2011

How to Stop a Nosebleed

I got a nose bleed last night.

So, I grabbed some tissue. Pinched my nose. And tilted my head back. At which point, my wife interjected,

"Honey! Tilt your head forward, remember?"
"No. When did that rule change?"
"I don't know. The late 70s?"

The Internet backs her up. How I have been doing this wrong my whole life? Please someone admit to accompanying my misery with your foolishness, too?
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March 29, 2011

I Wake Up at 4:30 AM

And I just recently realized how impressive that is when people find that out. So, there you go. Why? Well, it's for freelance work, all my side projects and so that I'm off the treadmill before my wife gets on at 6:15.

In much less impressive news, I also consistently go to bed before 9:30.
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March 28, 2011

Facebook Memorial Wall

When someone on Facebook dies, their page often becomes a Memorial Wall. A place where friends and family can forever eulogize about their relationship and pay their respects.

The only creepy thing is that Facebook doesn't know the person is dead. So every year, you get a birthday reminder from a dead person. And that can be troubling.

Not as troubling as if a family member decided to post from that profile AS the deceased person, even with the best of intentions. (Fortunately I have yet to personally experience this).

But, it raises the question. Would you ever un-friend a dead person? Why or why not?
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March 24, 2011

WalMart’s Boy Scout PR Trade-off

Every time I go to Walmart, I have to sneak by either the boy scout beggars, the screaming girl scouts, the in-uniform baseball team or more.

I walk out of my way to avoid them. I see other people doing the exact same thing. So, why on earth would Walmart allow this annoying solicitation?

They have to. After all, they're Walmart. They're the big bad mom-and-pop shop killer, anti-union, behemoth of capitalist carnivores. That's why they hire the functionless greeters and allow pan handlers to surround you upon both exit and entry.

They need to be able to say they hire more 65+ and special needs workers than any other business. They need to be able to say they support more local organizations in the community than any other business.

That's the trade-off. That's what it takes to offer the lowest prices and still be invited to the party.
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March 23, 2011

You’re Not Bored. You’re Lazy.

It is definitionally impossible for you to be bored right now, living in the 21st century. Not only is there so much creative thinking happening right now, but you have 24/7 access to it.

If you're the least bit curious about anything at all, odds are that some geniuses around the world are doing amazing things with it. Check it out. Start learning. Then, understand that you're capable of doing some extraordinary things too, and start doing them.

Stop being bored. After all, it's impossible.
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March 22, 2011

No, Libya and Iraq Aren’t the Same

No, Libya and Iraq aren't the same....

Congress actually approved the Iraq intervention, and there was at least an attempt at showing a direct threat to our national security with Iraq...
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March 21, 2011

Water Cooler Gossip Evolution

Has anyone stopped to think about how the proliferation of on-demand entertainment is effecting water cooler gossip?

Now that people still watch all of the same content, but rarely "live", there's no automatic expectation of discussing last night's programming.

And that's all we have in common with most of our co-workers.
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March 18, 2011

People Look Weird When They’re Drinking

I'm having a serious conversation with you. Looking you in the eye. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, you jerk your head back and display your teeth, as you yearn to get the last remaining drops of your drink.

I'm unhappy with the current design of drinking containers. At least with a glass, you only half to go a millimeter above horizontal, and gravity will empty the remains into your mouth.

But soda cans? Coffee cups? Anything with a lid creates this sort of catch-all that forces you to violently try and defy physics.

And no, I refuse to leave any of the beverage in the container. And no, I refuse to use a straw.

Solve my problem.
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March 17, 2011

The Next Christians: A Pre-Emptive Book Review

I just started reading, "Next Christians: The Good News About the End of Christian America" by Gabe Lyons this week. Had heard a lot of good things. But not super excited about it.

Then, in the first chapter, in a single paragraph, he thin-sliced me. Talked about how 20-somethings have no trust in authority. How Bill Clinton was the first president we remember. And we remember him as an unfaithful liar. How our Great War is the Iraq War, one which we feel largely duped and heavily deceived about.

Enron. Mortgage-backed securities. Everything around us our entire lives has told us, "Don't trust authority, because they can not be trusted."

And my jaw dropped. Why? I don't know. Perhaps because I created an entire website trying to convince people of the total depravity of man.This whole time, I thought my libertarian conclusions were a result of my own intellectual superiority and search for truth. But Lyons claims it simply because I'm in my 20s and I'm a product of my environment.

I'm hooked. And I'll be sure and tell you if it holds up.
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